I love my job

My favorite newscast this week: (I gave them the headline and they had to do a newscast explaining who, what, where, when, why and how)

PANDA EATS FOREIGNER AT BEIJING ZOO

"I am Foreigner!"
"Foreigner" tries to get into the zoo but can not. He decides to dress up like bamboo and sneak in at night. "Panda" does an "I am cute!" song and dance and then eats the foreigner, mistaking him for bamboo.
Foreigner: "I am died!" Collapses to the ground.
Newswoman enters scene with her Cameraman (student holding waterbottle and pencil case up like a camera) exclaiming things like "I don't believe!" "Oh what a pity!" She interviews the witnesses who were very distraught over the tragedy and then finally she interviewed Panda, who was very sorry for what he did. He did not know he was eating Foreigner. He only wanted to eat the delicious bamboo.

Some runners up:

62 year old American man is very cold one day. He goes to the hospital and the doctor says, You are pregnant.
(Girl student in class) so happy today she could fly! She flew to the moon and met a beautiful moon man. They got married.
Beautiful foreigner teacher named Maria marries famous pop star Jay Chou, no class! Party on the beach!